Anyway the conversation kind of slowed down after our reminiscing about Ward, so the guys gave Ann a big hug before we left, we were asked to give their regards to Pete and Kathy for their wedding and we finished our errands.

When we returned to the homestead things had only settled down a little. Some of the throng had dispersed to prepare for the rehearsal. Ann and I dropped off our packages and drove back to Jim’s. We had a little more than an hour to get to the rehearsal. Ann and I took turns showering. Ann showered first and I was ready first. Jim got back to the house when Ann was “almost” ready. Jim was ready to go in about 2 minutes after throwing on some clean-ish clothes. Jim and I waited for Ann to finish getting ready, then the three of us went in Jim’s car. Jim was the designated driver, so Ann and I could have something to drink at the rehearsal dinner. Jim prided himself on never drinking. Well, almost never. He had two shots of vodka once on a bet. He won the bet and never drank again. Jim was squeaky clean when it came to drugs, alcohol and even caffeine. I don’t know if it made him a good cop, but it made him a great designated driver.

The rehearsal was uneventful. We learned where we would be standing and what to do and say. I was not doing any readings or the like during the ceremony so it was a low-stress thing for me. Mom was stressed about her duties and Dad said he was going to be following Kathy down the aisle when the music played.

Dinner was nice. We went to an Italian place that served great wine. Ann and I drank most of a bottle of a California red between just us two. We sat with my brother, his girlfriend and one of Pete’s brothers. My brother Jim was regaling us with funny cop stories and we were all laughing hysterically.

“How can a sober guy be so funny?” Pete’s brother blurted out during a brief lull in the antics and we all started laughing again.

Jim is exceptionally funny. I think he likes to entertain people who have been drinking. My personal theory is that he is trying to see if anyone will spill their drink on themselves because of his jokes. Or maybe have the drink go up their nose while laughing. Ann seemed to enjoy it all. She asked my brother if he knew anything about my “prom” reputation. Well, yes, he did, and he related a story to us about a prom that the two of us went to.

“Joe was going to one of his proms.” Jim said, “He was all dressed up in that dark blue tux of his and heads out from the homestead to pick up the guy who was going on the double date with him and his girlfriend Cyndi. A short while later he comes back and I am on the phone with a girl I am flirting with. Remember this is high school, so the phone is key to early dating interactions between a girl and a boy. Anyway, as she is talking about some soap opera at school, Joe informs me that the other guy cancelled at the last minute and that it was a blind date anyway with a friend of Cyndi’s named Jane. A blind date to the prom, folks; if you can imagine that. He begs me to be the second on this double date, blind date with Jane, to the prom. So I ask Laura on the phone if she wants to go out tonight, she says no, and I say ‘OK, goodbye,’ and hang up. I tell Joe ‘I guess I’m going to a prom,’ and head upstairs to change. I get changed in record time and pile in Joe’s car. I do not have a tuxedo like my brother does, but if you wear a black suit, bow tie and a tuxedo shirt, it passes for a tux. Joe the fashion plate taught me that and he had spare tuxedo shirts. Anyway we get to his date’s first. Joe had called and told Cyndi about the switch and got an OK from everyone on it. Joe had picked up the corsages on the way over, so Joe and Cyndi are exchanging flowers now and her mom’s taking pictures. The dad comes in and says, ‘Jane’s parents just called— they’re trying to get your date out of a tree,’ as he looks right at me.

I don’t know this guy and am mortified. Cyndi’s mom admonishes Dad and he keeps a straight face and nods, yes it’s true, he seems to say. We get to Jane’s house and there are her Mom and Dad at the door looking at me. Me, I’m looking in the trees and carrying a box with a corsage in it. Cyndi greets the parents, asks about Jane, and is told she is upstairs still getting ready. Cyndi goes upstairs quickly, trying to look like she is not too worried or concerned. I’m beginning to get a bad feeling about this. All I want to do is kill Joe and get out of there because by now I am sure there is something majorly wrong with this girl. After what seems like an eternity, Cyndi and Jane come downstairs. Now I don’t want to say Jane was ugly, she did have a nice body, and have a nice dress on, but there was something about her face. She had a more or less normal face but something was wrong with it. She had a ton of makeup on, so I figured she might have had acne. As she proceeded down the steps the amount of makeup became real obvious. When she got right next to me, I noticed she also had a huge cold sore on her lip. Apparently this poor girl was painfully shy and never went out. And when she got stressed, like for exams or PROMS, she would get cold sores around her face and mouth. So she was not popular with the local guys. She was kind of cute and very sweet, but it was hard to get her to say anything. We exchanged dead plants, I mean corsages, had our pictures taken by the parents and went to the prom.

All night long I tried to get Jane to string two syllables together, and the closest I got was ‘uh huh’ for yes. Well I think it was yes. We danced a bit, but she eventually just shook her head if I asked her to dance. Now, I can understand that. I am an embarrassing dancer. You’ll see that tomorrow at the wedding. Cyndi danced with me a couple times, but it was a long night. At the end of the evening Jane seemed genuinely happy to say goodbye and insisted that she had a great time. What? Great time? What did she mean by ‘great time’ except great time saying goodbye?

Thanks, Joe.”

The rest of the rehearsal dinner was enjoyable. At home that evening I half expected Ann to ask about Cyndi, but she didn’t. Nor did I volunteer anything.